#motheringwithheartandjoy · 2017 · baby elf · pregnancy · Uncategorized

My birth story, 1 year on.

13th December, 2017.
Tonight is emotional.
Tomorrow my baby turns one.
My last baby, will no longer be a baby and I’ve been on the verge of tears all day & I’m pretty sure they are set to erupt anytime now…
When it’s birthday time I get all nostalgic and emotional, I look back at old photos and just go back to those newborn moments. The newborn bubble is the greatest, I could live in a continuous loop of sleepy newborn days where you are so infatuated and in awe it’s intoxicating… But it speeds by at an absolutely ridiculous rate and before you know it, you are sitting there, the night before they turn 1 fighting back the tears as you scroll through photos reminiscing of the moment you met that tiny little person.
So let’s go there, let’s go back and let me tell you my birth story of my son…

Now for a tiny bit of back story, if you followed my pregnancy last year you will know it was pretty average. (To see more click HERE)
There were a few stints in hospital, a diagnosis of an auto immune disorder which causes me to be incredibly sick as well as all day “morning” sickness that lasts my entire pregnancy right up until about a minute before I give birth. All that sickness then lead to irritable uterus early on and a very, very painful pregnancy and well, to be honest I thought I was going to die last year I felt so awful. I was constantly worried about my little “Baby Elf” and each week he stayed in was a milestone because there was a worry he was going to arrive super early, like at one point it would’ve not been viable for him to survive.
But we hit those milestones, 24 weeks, 28 weeks, 32 weeks was a big relief (I could deliver in Toowoomba now, before that would mean a big stay down in Brisbane) 36 weeks and then 38 weeks rolled around…
So due to the concern of “Baby Elf” arriving early, I had undergone 2 rounds of steroid injections to ensure his respiratory system was developed.
For a few months I had been managing my health with medication and just keeping myself “stable” with the bare minimum amount of drugs so it was safe for “Baby Elf” and I. But around 38.5 weeks I started to get sick again, I felt ok but I knew how I feel after being sick for a week or so. It’s not good, heck if I get sick now, after just a few days I’m very weak and drained – add on being pregnant, delivering a baby, recovery & then going straight into life with 2 kids… It wouldn’t have been ideal. So we spoke to my OB & specialist who both agreed that it was in everyone’s best interest if “Baby Elf’ was to arrive a few days early. That way I had strength for birth and recovery.
He was due on the 20th of December, but we opted for an induction and assumed he would arrive the 14th or 15th of December.
During my pregnancy there were concerns if I would be strong enough to handle to a natural birth again, but I was pretty determined to give it ago. I never have much of a birth plan besides get the baby out in a way that will hurt the least! HA! Basically my only request is, give me the darn epidural when I ask for it!

So the 13th of December, we spent the last day as a tiny family of 3 by just being together, we went for a swim, we cuddled and we just cherished these last few moments. Before I left for the hospital that night (induction check in is 7pm) Trent made me Vegemite and cheese on toast, I ate this the night before I went into labour with LuLu.
Trent and LuLu drove me to the hospital and checked me in and letting them leave was the hardest thing, I cried – a lot. Birth is a big deal, things go wrong in birth, I was terrified – I had to start the process alone and that little girl was my whole world. It had been just her and I every single day together for the past 1153 days. And now it was all about to change. I cried because the next time I saw her she wouldn’t be my only baby, she would be my first baby and a big sister. They were happy tears, but scared tears. I had dealt with having to say good bye to them both a lot while they left me in hospital far more than I would’ve liked that year, and I wish Trent could have stayed – but I knew LuLu needed him more.
The plan with the induction is to have the gel inserted around midnight (explains the 7pm check in) well, turns out that night just had to be super busy and mine didn’t get inserted until 3am and then after that is regular obs checks. So I’ve had maybe a couple hours of very broken sleep at this point. I had been awake from 7am Tuesday morning (the 13th) I was partly running on adrenaline and partly just wanting a nap… So by 6am I had my makeup done and I was ready to meet our son.
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The plan here was to see how the induction would go and labour on my own, when things started to spark up Trent was going to come back. I wanted him to stay with LuLu for as long as he could, my best friend was organised to arrive to take over looking after her for that day & that night. (We weren’t sure if the induction would work or how it would progress, some inductions take more than a day and some don’t work…) 
My OB arrived around 8:50am to check me, he reinserted the gel and also did a stretch and sweep (holy, ouch!) and that my friends is when my body got a little angry at me. My contractions felt like they were amping up, prior to this I had some basic niggles and discomfort but nothing that would make me stop and take a big breath. But after that point, boy did I have to stop and breath A LOT. After they insert the gel they have to monitor you on the CTG machine for about 1/2 an hour (I think) and laying in the bed is the most uncomfortable thing when you are having contractions. So once that was done I was up and walking the halls, walking around my room and then I got in a hot shower. I felt better when I was moving… I am pretty sure there was a phone call made to Trent around this point that may have been a little emotional because of how much pain I was in.
When I had left the labour ward room where I was on the CTG machine, the nurse told me to monitor my contractions and come back in around 1/2 an hour and tell her how many I was averaging in a 10 minute period. I got back and told her around 8-10 in 10 minutes. I am pretty sure she thought I was an idiot because she said “ah, no sweetie if you were having that many you would be screaming” – so she attached the monitor and sure enough 9 contractions in 10 minutes.
So they decided I needed an injection to calm that all down. Thankfully that worked.
Trent arrived just after that and it was just before lunch time and I was still labouring away with some pretty painful contractions. When he arrived I was due to be released from the CTG machine (woo hoo!) so I went for a walk with him to the cafeteria so he could eat some lunch. And he got so many bad looks from all the women eating their food, because here he was enjoying his meal while his very pregnant & clearly in labour wife waddled/paced around the table like a circling shark breathing like a crazy lady. I didn’t mind, walking was helping me feel better but to an outsider it probably looked liked he was some nasty husband who valued his appetite more than my comfort! It made us laugh a lot!
After Trent was full, I waddled back to my room for a shower. Hot water on my lower back was making me feel a lot better.
My sister arrived at this point, she is a midwife at this hospital so it was nice to have her there. She was able to explain things to me if I didn’t understand and also made sure everything that was happening was in my best interest.
Then it was time to head back around to the CTG machine to check how I was going. When we got there we were told to head on around to the delivery room, because it was time to get that delightful needle in my spine and then my waters would be broken.
I had spoken to my doctor during my pregnancy that I would want an epidural fairly early on. So he had kindly organised it before rupturing my waters. He was worried that once the waters were broken everything may intensify rather quickly and cause me a lot of pain. So I was very grateful that he knew I would prefer the epidural first…
Trent, Nikki and I headed into the labour ward, I put the gown on and we met my anaesthetist.
Funny story; while I was getting the epidural, the doctors phone rang and he asked Trent to answer it – they thought Trent was the anaesthetist. And Trent had to basically be the middle man between the operating theatre and the anaesthetist. We all had a laugh about it.
My water was broken around 2:30pm and synto was started to kick those contractions up a notch.
I was checked around 4:30pm and they said not much was happening and assumed I wouldn’t deliver until the following morning… I was super exhausted at this point and just wanted to sleep, so Nikki decided to head on home around 5pm.

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A little while after she left my best friend Kelsie came up to visit with LuLu, it was lovely to see them both. I got one last snuggle of my baby and she headed on off to home to have a sleep over with her little best friend. My mind was fully at ease knowing she was being so well cared for by someone I trust so much.
Around 7:45pm my OB came to check on me, we were not expecting anything to have progressed as the midwives kept saying that my contractions didn’t seem very consistent or strong… So we were very surprised when he looked down and exclaimed “Oh WOW I can see the baby, he’ll be here very soon”! He said he would give him a little time and come back in hour.
So after that I naturally touched up my makeup! (haha) but then I got super tired, I couldn’t even keep my eyes open. And then I got nauseous and had to throw up and I couldn’t stop even with medication. I knew what was about to happen, the same thing happened just before I had Lucy.
The midwives checked and then quickly called for the doctor, who came in had a look and was absolutely blown away at how fast he had come down, he was scrambling to tuck his tie in and get gowned up. My vomiting was bringing the baby down very quickly.
I needed an episiotomy and the vacuum was used, but the birth was calm and silent and just how I hoped. Before we knew it he was here.
Tommy was born at 8:44pm on 14th of December 2016.
He was (still is) a tiny little man, weighing only 6pound 9.5ounces/3000grams. He was born with dark hair and was covered in fur. He was/is exactly how I dreamt my son would be.

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But his arrival was a little frightening. He came out with the cord very firmly around his neck and it was a short cord, he was very blue looking. He ended up needing to spend some time on the resus table. I have never felt so helpless or scared. I had just been through months of fearing for the wellbeing of this precious little baby because of my stupid body and the moment he should be in my arms he was metres from me being worked on. But thankfully my prayers were heard because not much later he was in my arms and snuggled in. (He was fine, but in the moment I was petrified, I have a video of the moment he is taken from he and my hands are shaking terribly.)
After getting stitches, baby being monitored, allowing myself to feel a bit better, trying to eat and having a shower – it was very late. So it was around midnight once I finally got back to my room on the ward. I was wrecked!
We made the decision that no one besides Nikki and Kelsie would be told he was here as there was a very important little lady that needed to meet her baby brother first before the rest of our world knew about him.
Trent returned home after midnight and I tried to get some sleep.
He came back up with Lucy the following morning and our girl was head over heels in love with her baby Tommy. As were we, he is so amazing.
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We then sent a group text out to every relative & friend that was dear to us. Nearly everyone responded wishing us well, except 2 people and a year on they are still yet to meet our son. A decision they’ve made.
We are so thankful to our amazing God for our precious son, he is the most sweetest little man and an absolute little charmer. Everyone who meets him can’t help but smile, he is an absolute sweetheart and my heart feels like it’s about to burst constantly because this boy, he just loves his Mumma! He is very small, but he is so determined and strong. He is so close to walking, he has started to talk and he adores his sister so much! He loves his trucks & cars and enjoys a cuddle.
His favourite foods are greek yoghurt and avocado, blueberries, roast chicken and boobie. (I am so proud to have been able to breastfeed for 1 year! We were worried that I wouldn’t be able to at all because of how sick I was. So it was all a just “see how it goes” scenario. Once again we smashed our milestones… 1 year on and still going strong!)

We are so proud of our little man. He completed us.
Happy Birthday Mr Wigglesworth, you are so very loved darling.

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I will love him unconditionally, And I’ll take the blame , And claim him every time, Yeah, y’all, he’s mine, I thank God, he’s mine. – Rodney Atkins.

2017 · birthday

29 for 29.

Hi friends!
On Saturday I celebrated my 29th birthday.
I’m now in my final year of my twenties and I’m excited for it! My best friend and I have said for the past few years that our thirties are going to be our time to shine. We’ve both had some rough times in our twenties but each year we have become stronger & more confident women, we grow from the times that almost break us, so by the time we are 30 we are going to be unstoppable. So bring on this last year and whatever challenges may pop up, because they always do.

Bindy Scott
Photo by; Tina Ebenal Photography.

My birthday always makes me reflective on my life… Does that happen for you?
For today’s post I thought I would share…
29 things I’ve done/learnt/experienced in the past year…
28 was a bit of a challenging year, it was nowhere near as tough 27 – but I feel it has been a year of huge personal growth for me.

  1. 1 month after my 28th birthday I made a brave decision to value my emotional and mental health more and started to set boundaries in all aspects of my life. Some people didn’t like it and I haven’t heard from them since. And that’s ok.
  2. Just before my 28th birthday I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I’ve continued dealing with that, thankfully most of this year I’ve been reasonably well but recently I had the flu plus some recent stress caused me to relapse. So this year I’ve been learning to focus more on my health – mental, emotional and general and also learning to listen to my body.
  3. I became a Mumma of 2 amazing children.
  4. My second baby is a sweet little boy who makes my heart so happy, he was born at the end of one of the most challenging years I’ve ever experienced. He was the joy of 2016. I am so protective of him. A lot of emotional hurt happened during my pregnancy and after his birth and I think I’ll always now be a bit too protective of him. He deserves nothing but love.
  5. I started writing a column for a local magazine. I’m so proud to have some of my articles in actual print!
  6. I was also on the cover of that magazine this year!
  7. I survived a year of parenting a very smart (often a bit too smart) 3 year old. And 3, I believe is the most challenging age. The questions! The sass! The independence! She’s fierce, beautiful, sassy, wise, hilarious and so wonderful. My girl makes me so happy but so tired!
  8. For almost 1 whole year I’ve been a stay at home mumma to 2 children under 4. (They don’t attend day care and we have no outside help.)
  9. My marriage became stronger, as it does every year. I am so thankful for my amazing husband.
  10. I realised I can be ok on my own. I can make on choices and decisions. I can trust my gut and I do make the right choices.
  11. I cut my hair, shorter than I’ve ever have had it. And I LOVE IT!
  12.  I also dyed a section pink, which was the most “out there” thing I’ve done in a very long time. All for my little girl who always asks for me to have colourful hair.
  13. My confidence and self belief in the last year has grown.
  14. I was a bridesmaid for the very first time. I was so honoured to stand beside one of my dearest friends who has supported me so much.
  15. I found my go to, absolutely amazing chocolate cake recipe.
  16. I discovered the importance of friends that become family. Those real true friends, that make life so much better. My beautiful little support network that listens, values me, doesn’t judge and offers wisdom. I am so incredibly thankful for them and all they do for me.
  17. I’ve learnt to not believe every word that’s said to me. And to remember if someone is saying awful things about others to me, what do/would they say about me to others! I now refuse to draw my judgement of someone else just off what someone else says.
  18. This year there was a hurtful “smear campaign” about me, created by someone who should love me. Many people have believed the most hurtful lies I’ve ever heard about me, but I’ve found the way to rise above it and not let it effect me so greatly is to remember – what someone else says about me reflects more on them than it does me. And those that believe it, don’t know me at all.
  19. I’ve also kept in my mind what others think of me doesn’t really matter, God knows me and my heart and that matters a lot more.
  20. This year my mind has been clearer and I’ve been less anxious. I truly believe it’s because I’ve focused on surrounding myself with people who want good for me.
  21. I’ve learnt the importance of self care and regularly find little moments for myself.
  22. I’ve felt let down and betrayed by some people I love. But it’s all lessons.
  23. I’ve continued trying to grow my little blog and started back making weekly videos on YouTube. I had to rebuild this site after my original one crashed. I have moments of doubt, moments I want to walk away but I keep going. I love my little space on the internet & I believe in encouraging & inspiring mums by sharing my story.
  24. I’ve been scared of this world and our future. There is so much that happens in this world that absolutely terrifies me and makes me scared to think of what my children may have to deal with when they become adults.
  25. Trent and I made a big life changing choice this year which we’ve been silently working hard on… still more work to go, but we feel in our hearts it’s what’s best for us and our children.
  26. I’ve praised God for all the joy and happiness I’ve experienced this year, but I’ve also gotten frustrated when life has been so hard & I have felt helpless, but still I thanked Him even though at times I did question what His exact plan is for me. Than I thanked Him again for loving me, despite my questions and for accepting me for all that I am and I’m not. Moral of the point, be thankful even in hard times. Having faith when life is going great is easy, having faith when life’s rough is what faith is all about.
  27. I’ve laughed, loved and lived this year. This year I’ve felt a sense of freedom.
  28. This year I’ve missed hunting & shooting. Pregnancy and having a new baby has made it a little challenging to get out, but hopefully next year we will all go for hunt during the rut.
  29. I feel proud of myself. I’m 29, I’m still learning everyday and continuing to be a better person. I refuse to let negativity control my life and I strive daily to have a clean and positive mind and a good heart.

28 was another hard year, it was emotionally painful & stressful. There were some very low points but some absolutely amazing highs. But I feel good about 29, I feel it’s going to be better…
For my last year of my twenties I pray I am able to find more peace in my life, calm some of the chaos, become even stronger and grow closer to our Lord.
I pray daily for more wisdom, strength, patience and tolerance. I’m proud of where I’m at and where I’m going.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
Bring of this last year of the twenties!
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2017 · life · video · youtube

New Hair Reveal {VLOG}

Hi friends,
I have an exciting video to share with you all today… Yesterday I spent the majority of my day at the hairdressers cutting & recolouring my hair – click HERE to watch the video to see how it turned out!

I am really happy with the result and cutting my hair I feel is so liberating. For a very long time I have had super long hair and it wasn’t until about 2 years ago I was brave enough to do a big chop… Since the initial “big cut”, I have cut it short one other time but then I let it grow a bit for my best friends wedding that I was recently in. Now that the wedding has been & gone I decided it was time to do a big change!
Cutting my hair to me is powerful, it took a lot of courage for me to first do it at the end of 2015, as I was going against the wishes of my someone whose opinion I listened to far more than I should’ve… I valued that opinion more than my own and that was ridiculous.  I was told for a very long time how ugly and awful I would look with short hair as long hair was my “only beauty”. (For long time readers, you may remember seeing that public conversation on a photo a few years back on my Facebook page…) Since then I have regained control in my life, I call my own shots and the only time I listen to opinions is when they either come from my husband or I actually ask someone I trust greatly to weigh in on a topic.
So as I felt my hair get snipped off I felt relief & like an emotional weight was going as well – this was the first time I was cutting my hair and I wouldn’t have to hear from someone how awful I looked or what a fool I was.
I love my new hair. I think it is fun, fresh & different and my surprise little chunk of colour for LuLu makes me smile. And LuLu and Trent think it is great!

Friends, I encourage you to remember to do things for you. Don’t always follow what others say and make sure the people you are listening to are respectful of you. I now only ask advice from trusted people who I know will respect me if I do or if I don’t follow their advice. We are our own person, we have to do things that make us happy – my hair is mine and it effects no one else, so me cutting it is for me. This should be applied to most things in life, do what makes you happy & what you feel is right for you – if it isn’t hurting anyone then the opinions of others shouldn’t matter greatly to you.

I would love to know what brave step you’ve done with your hair? Or have you never done something drastic?
Comment below or connect with me on my social media!
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Thank you to Michelle & the team at Innovative Hair Design Highfields for the great day, make sure you check them out on FACEBOOK HERE. 
Have a great weekend!
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2017 · friends with heart & joy · watoto · world changers

How to change a life; Graduate To Greatness. {LIVING HOPE}

According to the United Nations, as the number of women who are educated and employed increases, economies grow higher and faster.*

Hi friends,
Many of you know Watoto is an organisation close to my heart – the work they do in Africa is life & nation changing. You may recall a recent post I did on the Watoto Choir, you can read it HERE if you missed it.

Today I am honoured to be able to share with you another branch of this incredible organisation….
Living Hope is an initiative set up to help empower vulnerable women in Africa. It was launched in 2008 and is run by Watoto that has centres in Kampala, Uganda and Gulu.

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What does empowerment mean to you? Is it a time someone told you they believed in you and that you had purpose? Was it when someone helped you out or gave you a chance? Perhaps when you were able to achieve something you never thought you would? In this post I want to speak to you about helping to empower extremely vulnerable women in Africa.
In Uganda, 83% of women earn less than $1 USD a day. Watoto is working to turn this around with Living Hope.*
Living Hope is working to restore dignity to the wounded women of Africa. These women have experienced things worthy of nightmares. Some have been victims of war, human trafficking and social injustice and many are HIV+.

Did you know that in a vulnerability survey conducted by Watoto in 2015*:
• 17% of the women survey reported receiving no formal education
• 46% of those who had gone to school never reached P7 (equivalent to Year 7 in Australia)
• 43% of those women were unemployed
• 61% of those women had no income generating skills
• 83% of those women earned less than a dollar a day.

This narrative is all too common in Africa; however, there is hope.
Together, we can change the cycle of poverty.
Living Hope helps women to gain access to much needed medical care, necessary life skills, education, training in business and a craft or marketable skill and empowers women by assisting them in being apart of/or obtaining income generating projects. This allows them to become productive members of their community.

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Living Hope has changed the lives of nearly 3000 women and their children (more than 15,000 boys and girls)
During September Watoto is running a campaign “Graduate To Greatness” where they hope to raise enough money to empower 450 vulnerable mothers in Uganda to start their own businesses. We can help give a fellow mother the physical tools she needs to begin generating an income after graduating from Living Hope. Let’s break the cycle of poverty and help them Graduate To Greatness by giving them the gift of a future.

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When you change one woman’s story, when you empower her, you are changing the story for her family, her community and eventually her nation.

 

Vivian’s Story from Watoto Australia on Vimeo.

Friends, I deeply encourage you to join me in helping empower vulnerable women and assisting them to Graduate To Greatness with Living Hope.
Please consider donating what you can to the Graduate to Greatness campaign. HERE.

If you are reading this, chances are you are like me – we are fortunate & empowered women simply because of chance, we are born into a country that values education for all & we have the freedom of choice and being who and what we want to be, let us empower our fellow sisters who need a hand up.
We would never want this life for the women we love, our daughters, mothers, sisters or friends – so join with me in helping some of the most marginalised and wounded women of Africa. Whatever amount you can give has the power to help change these women’s lives.
Please donate HERE.  
The goal for this campaign is to raise $30,470 which will be doubled by generous Watoto partners who have pledged to match each dollar up to this amount – meaning $60,940 could be raised! Please friends, I encourage you to donate what you can. And share, share this post, this campaign!

Empowered women empower women.

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Thank you friends, thank you so much.
(Please if you donate, let me know on my social media or comment below – I would love to say thank you and even send out a thank you note! Your support means so much to me, the Watoto organisation and the women we will be helping.)
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Please also check out Watoto on social media! 
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* Living Hope Vulnerability Survey of 490 Women. Conducted by Watoto in Uganda in 2015 across 20 locations in Uganda

2017 · Uncategorized

Why I blog | Bringing back blogging.

Hello friends,

I started writing this post about 2 weeks ago & got side tracked with THIS post idea, so now here I am revisiting this one…

I am going to answer a question today that I get asked very often, why?
Why do you blog?
Short answer, I love to write… I may not be the world’s greatest writer, but I love it and I could write for hours on topics that I love… I can lay in bed at night & think up some incredible posts and if I stupidly don’t write them down – I assure you are they are gone from my mind by morning… But I just really enjoy writing & I love to take photos, another thing I may not be overly perfect at – but it makes me so incredibly happy. And I love to share these 2… So blogging makes sense to me… When I started this blog I had the desire put on my heart to encourage & motivate other Mums, so ModernWifeLife31.com was born.

I have been blogging since February 2010 (on my original blog, Bella In Bindyland) – that is over 7 years of writing, uploading & sharing – I did take a year off when I had LuLu… But I’ve been in this blogging world for close to 8 years! (Actually I want to say before 2010, because back in the days of MSNspaces & Myspace I also dabbled in blog writing)
Back in 2010 blogging was different – the community was smaller, many people didn’t “understand it”, we most certainly didn’t get sent PR packages, we wrote real posts, we genuinely connected, social media was more limited and blogging most certainly wasn’t viewed as an attainable job for the average person, just yet.
I started blogging because I wanted to share my everyday. In 2009 my personal Facebook use to be full of posts summarising my days, so blogging to me was a natural progression…
(Fun fact; in 2009 I was regularly mocked & made fun of because I liked to post about cleaning my house & baking muffins – basically housewife stuff… So to those lovely ladies that made fun of me for “updating every time I picked up a spatula” –  what I did then, is now considered a job & I get to encourage women daily, something I love to do.) 
I was listening to a story on Instagram by Erin Morris the other day and she was talking about how much blogging has evolved in the past 6-7 years, it has gone from a small some what supportive community where sharing your story was encouraged, our posts were lengthy, full of feelings & had too many photos to now being essentially more of a business. (Erin has since written a post on this as well, check it out HERE)
I miss the old blogging, I love the new but I miss the old.
Sure, I 100% agree that being an “influencer”, “creator” or whatever term you wish to use – is an absolutely amazing choice of job if you can make it work… So I am not trying to discredit anyone for making this a job, heck that’s what I pretty much do. All I mean is I do miss reading genuine blogs, and instead of hearing what products they love (those posts are great though) I was getting to know them, I felt like I knew the person from the words they weaved together & the pictures that they sprinkled through out their post… Yes people do, do this to an extent on Instagram, microblogging is awesome, especially for busy people – I do it daily, but clicking on a website that tells someone story is so great – I remember losing hours scrolling through reading post after post on blogs & being inspired by people… I see social media as an edited version of someones existence, mine is intentionally curated.
In 2017 it is like the “raw” and “honest” blog posts (or social media posts) need to be somewhat vulgar or even humiliating to gain attention… That if a post doesn’t have that certain shock factor – it just gets looked over… Writing genuine, heartfelt words that you hope encourages others, is often not exciting enough or if you talk positively about life, you are mocked & called fake. Heck, I get this nonsense a lot – because I enjoy motherhood, being a wife & homemaker.
You know from reading my blog that I refuse to buy into the trend of vulgarity & humiliating my loved ones. I write my own truth. But occasionally I want to do more than that… I want to tell our stories too…  Occasionally. Or I don’t know, gosh I would love to… But it’s hard…
The reason I took a year off from blogging when I had LuLu is because I know how damn awful & hideous the internet can be & I wasn’t sure if I could continue putting myself out there, or mainly – my daughter. My skin is thick, but when you are a Mumma you want to protect your babies… Once you open yourself up to the internet and start publicly sharing your life – you are allowing every kind of person imaginable into your life & for them to have an opinion… Most are so incredibly amazing & kind and others, others you wouldn’t ever want to know. That is the reason I don’t really share images of our kids publicly online, people can be hideous.
In the past 12 hours (this was 2 weeks ago) I’ve read a blog by Sarah Jane & watched a video by Samantha Schurman – both of which have decided to take a step back from being “so online” in their own ways… And both posts resonated with me… I love sharing my life, I want to share it more – but gosh I am hesitant to. And somedays I want to shut the whole thing down & disappear.
It is incredibly hard to share when you are aware of not only the creeps that lurk on the internet, but even worse are the ones who know you personally and actually really dislike you and still stalk your sites and write awful things – those people, they suck! Joy suckers…
So that is where I am at, I would love to more often do the occasional personal post – full of feelings or over flowing with lovely photos… But right now I think I am happy writing encouraging posts & aiming to motivate you all.
So I ask you, what would you like to read more of? I have had an overwhelmingly positive response from my cleaning posts/videos and that makes me so happy – but I would love to know what else you would love to read? What type of content would you like to see on my social media accounts?
Please comment below or connect with me on social media!
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Have a lovely week!
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2017 · honesty · housewife · how to · life · motherhood · mothering · parenting · positivity · real · reflection · wife life

13 tips on how to reset as a Mumma & remain happy…

She’s strong, but she’s exhausted. – r.h. sin.

Hey friends,

Today I come to you weary, exhausted & sleep deprived…
(So I do apologise if they post gets rambly & makes little sense.)
A certain little mister has decided to test out how little sleep Mumma needs to survive… Sleep deprivation is torture – one I would never survive – because I suck at being a human when I haven’t had sleep. Now I don’t need a great deal of sleep, but I do need at least 4/5 hours of unbroken sleep – heck even 3 is good enough… Otherwise I just don’t function right, my tolerance levels & patience grows incredibly thin and you know if you are a parent, you need high levels of those to survive!
So anyway, my current state has inspired me to write a blog post today on…13 ways.jpgHow to reset as a Mumma & stay happy…
We all need a hand sometimes, we all have rough days that test us so much we almost break (or even do) And this is ok, it happens. But the important thing is to remember not to stay in that place… To make a conscious effort to reset & refocus on being happy…

  • Communicate & connect. Talk to your husband/partner/friend/tribe – whoever! Let them know where you are at. Take up offers of help. Trent & I don’t have a large support network – to be honest we have zero outside help, but we do have each other and we share the parenting workload evenly… He helps me so much when I am running on empty. A good chunk of the time I am the one keeping everything going, but when I am struggling he swoops in and saves me. He is incredible at getting up at night with the kids when I need help, because he knows I am terrible at life if I don’t sleep… Be honest with your husband/partner at where you are at, he can’t help if he doesn’t know.
  • Create close friendships/gather a tribe… You don’t need many friends, just 1 or 2 that get you, but if you are fortunate enough to have tribe – that is awesome too! Thankfully I have my best friend that I can have a good chat (whinge session) to about my current struggles and it is always so reassuring to have someone who understands & supports you without judgement and will listen during those real & honest talks. Aren’t Mumma friends the best?! I am so thankful for my Motherhood soulmate! (my latest column in Highfields’ style talks about this, you can find it HERE)
  • Make Mumma time a priority… Whether it be just driving to the store & doing groceries on your own, journalling, watching a movie, going to gym/church/a cafe on your own, taking a hot bath or walking the dog alone – do something for you. Do something where you won’t be interrupted (or hardly) and reset yourself… (Best time to do this is when your husband is home or you can get a babysitter/grandparents to watch the kids!) 
  • Take care of you, so you can take care of others… This point goes along with the one before, but you cannot pour from an empty glass… Keep your cup full. Take care of you!! In whatever way you need, make your mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health a priority! Take care of yourself in a way that works for you! And Mumma, give yourself some grace! Stop being so darn hard on yourself!
  • Get out… As stay at home mums we are often just that, at home! I don’t often venture out with the 2 kids on my own, but when Trent is on days off we try to get out and do things as much as possible… This changes up our environment and recharges us a bit.
  • Remember your kids are and will be ok… Everyone has moments in parenting they cringe at or regret. Moments we yelled too loud or acted in a way we wish we didn’t… Your kids will be fine, it was only a moment. And if your kids are mad at you, remember they will live – having your kids be mad at you pretty much comes with parenting, it means you are parenting! You don’t have to be their friend every second. (If you react in a way you instantly regret or aren’t proud of towards your children, show your kids that it is good to be remorseful & apologise, explain feelings to them & how you felt overwhelmed. Be open & honest, you are setting an example on how to cope in a tough scenario. * example; “I am sorry I yelled so badly at you when you spilt your cereal. Mummy got frustrated & got mad too quickly, I realise that is was an accident & I am sorry.”)
  • Keep a happy heart & start each day fresh… Don’t hold onto bad behaviour, yes stick to punishments but don’t dwell on what’s happened. Move on. Strive to wake up every morning with a positive mindset and a happy heart…
  • Comparison is the thief of joy… Don’t compare, it is easy to see the instagram accounts and think “that mum has it together”… But everyone has struggles, their struggles maybe entirely different to yours but they exist. Keep in mind everyones social media account is their own edited version of their existence.
  • Get your priorities in order… Really weigh up what is important to you and your family. If you are burning yourself out trying to keep up with 10 different toddler activities during a week, is it worth it? Is exhausting yourself & making you cranky worth it? Everyones priorities will vary, so work out what works for your family. And learn to say NO – no to expectations, requests and even your kids. You do not have to do it all or be there for every single person.
  • Let it go, let it go… Go with the flow, some days are going to be absolutely incredible and some you will just want to cry. Go with it and pick your battles.
  • Savour the moment… One day you will long for this day back, don’t wish it away. Being in the trenches of motherhood is rough, but it’s beautiful and I am willing to bet one day you will look back on this fleeting season so fondly.
  • Remember you aren’t alone… Every Mumma has moments of great & hard times. Some moments we are a glowing, happy, engaged, doting mother who is fully focused on her kids and we are loving every second of motherhood. We wish these days would last forever. Then we experience the exhaustion, the feeling of barely being able to wake up because you are so tired and you swear you just shut your eyes, because you did! You feel like you are so touched out and just want to be alone in silence for 5 minutes – because silence & isolation sounds like a dream at this point. You feel like at any given moment you may just lose your mind because being over tired makes you a person you don’t really like. That mother exists too. Everyone has their own struggles, everyone (In one form or another…). I wish I was the first mother every single moment of my children’s lives – but I’m not, occasionally I am the second. Some days it’s challenging, but what counts is how we handle ourselves. Acknowledge it is a tough day/week/leap/month and work out a way to handle it… Go into survival mode, vent, ask for help, let it go – do what works for you, but know you are not alone. No one has a perfect day everyday and it’s ok for your day to not be perfect.
  • Treat yourself… Buy the flowers, buy the chocolate, buy the wine, get your hair done or buy the shoes. You are important – spoil yourself. (Because honestly, somedays you just need too!)

What is your best tip for resetting your mind after a stressful day/week? How do you maintain happiness as a Mumma? I would love to know, please comment below or on my social media!
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Thank you so much for reading!
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“What’s your go to way to reset during or after a hard day”.

Answer this question for the scavenger hunt by clicking HERE.

2017 · domestic engineering · housewife · how to · video · youtube

How to save money on groceries. {video}

Hi friends!

It is new video Friday!! Click HERE to watch my latest youtube upload!

Grocerythumbnail.jpg

This weeks video is a groceries on a budget | grocery haul video…
On this particular week we had our normal bills to pay, which we always plan for, but then some unexpected ones popped up and that is life – that happens… But it meant our groceries that week had to be a little more thought out…
I try to be budget conscious when I am shopping anyway, but on this particular day I was more focused on sticking to the list and not buying any extras… Our usual grocery shop is about $200/week – week and a half… That includes, dog food, cat food, cat litter & nappies & wipes… Those 5 things are so darn pricey, added with a lot of fruit & veg and meat = pretty expensive groceries! We often try to stay in front of needing extra pet food so if we need to, we can skip a week of buying them…

Tips for saving money on groceries…

  • Write a list and stick to it… If you go in with no set list, you may buy unnecessary items & not what you actually need.
  • Meal plan & shop from your kitchen first… Write out your meals for the week and shop from your fridge, pantry & freezer… Make meals around what you have left and write down what you need for the rest of the meals.  
  • Go meat free… Now anyone who knows us knows we love meat, we eat a lot of it… But not every one of our meals is a meat based meal… During a week we often have 1 or 2 meat free dishes, such as cannelloni, risotto, pumpkin soup etc… Not eating meat can be a wise money saving move, as meat is expensive.
  • Hunt… If you can & if it appeals to you. We have delicious fresh venison in our freezer that my husband was able to get for us. Not everyone can do this or wants to do this, but if you can, it is a great way to have some beautiful free range meat for very little money. (This also applies to growing your own, have a veggie garden or some chickens for fresh eggs!)
  • Budget… Occasionally if I am watching what we spend, I set a goal for my total and I write down the price of every item I buy as I shop (yes I am that woman) that way I know if I am over spending and also when I get to the check out there is no surprises – I also find it motivating to try and beat my “goal total”…
  • Check specials… Each week I check where nappies are on sale, they are normally our most expensive item so I look at Coles & Woolworths online before I leave the house and see who has them cheaper, normally that is a saving of around $5.
  • Keep a well stocked kitchen… Always remember ingredients you use regularly, like pasta, sauces, flour, sugar, spices, meat etc and keep them on hand and stocked up. And if you can, buy them when on special and stock up! If roasts are on sale I often buy 2 at once and one goes in the freezer for the following week.
  • Buy in season produce… Now, I don’t always do this because I have a certain little miss who loves blueberries all year round, but the smart thing is not to pay $7 for a small punnet of them and wait until they are affordable and that is when they are in season… Also check out farmers markets for great fresh produce!
  • Try and shop on the outside aisles & skip the middle or some aisles… Sticking to the fruit & veg area, meat department & the dairy/freezer section can help save us money & be healthier! Avoiding the middle aisles that are full of preservative filled foods is better for us and our wallets. That being said, I do still wander down them, but I very often skip the soft drink & chip aisle as we don’t really buy soft drinks or lots of chips – only on the odd occasion, or I walk quickly down the middle aisles knowing exactly what I need and not browsing each item…
  • Try to be focused when shopping… Know the item you need, get it – perhaps have a quick look for a cheaper alternative but don’t be distracted by items you don’t need or can’t afford.
  • Check out the discount trolley… Occasionally they will have things like cat litter or pet food marked down super cheap because it may have been torn… Even sometimes they have end of line, discontinued products there that have been marked down super cheap! Try to only buy what you NEED though, not unnecessary things just because it is “on sale”… If you genuinely need it now or will do in the very near future it is a smart move, but buying “just because it’s cheap” isn’t actually saving you money.
  • Don’t buy ready made… Sometimes premade/chopped/sliced items are great time savers… But you have to weigh up money for time sometimes… I tend not to buy grated or sliced cheese, veggies and most of my pasta meals I make the sauce for. (Except spaghetti Bolognese/cannelloni – but I have to get back into making tomato pasta sauces)
  • Use rewards cards… I always make sure to scan my flybuys or everyday rewards cards, each amount of points adds up to be money off in the future and this can be super helpful – especially around Christmas time… I think these sort of loyalty cards are well worth having!
  • Make your own… Household cleaners are so insanely expensive and we can make wonderful alternatives that work just as well! I have been making my own laundry powder for well over a year now & I do make my own cleaners as well. I have recently bought Method glass cleaner & timber polish, only because I am struggling to work out a recipe for those that works well… A bottle of white vinegar is just over $1 & a packet of bi-carb soda is around the same amount… With those 2 ingredients you can clean almost anything. I use both of those to clean my toilet, together they can be used with a bit of dish soap to clean the bath/sink/shower/grout. Vinegar + water + essential oil of your choice (optional) makes a great disinfectant. Vinegar is also a fantastic fabric softener.
  • Bake your own… I often bake our morning/afternoon tea treats instead of buying them… Firstly because I feel better letting LuLu eat a treat that I know what is exactly in it and secondly I find it to be cheaper… My pantry is always stocked with baking supplies so it is easy for us to whip something up.

Also check out the blog Domesblissity, Anne who writes the blog is so full of knowledge on leading a sensible life & saving money! I learn so much from her posts!

I would love to know what your tips are for saving money on groceries…
Please leave me a comment or let me know on my social media!
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Thank you so much for reading!
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2017 · marriage · wedding

6 tips for a strong marriage. {6 year wedding anniversary}

In you, I’ve found the love of my life & my truest, closest friend.

Hello friends!

Yesterday Trent and I celebrated 6 years of marriage – for the past month I’ve been thinking it was 7, whoops! But it is 6!

Wedding photo

I thought in this post I would share 6 tips for a strong marriage… Now I am not claiming our marriage is perfect, we are human! But 6 years and still going strong is a great sign!

  1. Be each other’s best friend. Trent is my absolute best friend, I have my 2 best girlfriends – but he knows me on a level no one else does and I swear we can read each other’s minds! I can be thinking of something and he just does it or appears with it… (Or maybe he is just amazing at knowing when I need a glass of wine!)
  2. Keep dating your spouse. This! Remember this!! Do not let it go, ever! It is so easy to slip into habits where we get super comfortable with each other & all romance & effort goes out the window… Don’t do that – sure get comfortable, but don’t get so comfortable you stop making an effort! Tell your partner you think they are hot, let them know you are thinking of them, do unexpected surprises for them – even just buying their favourite drink or chocolate while at the shops – little things count! If you would’ve done it back in the “dating days” – do it now! Doing it now is even more important!
  3. Build each other up. Brag about your husband, tell him he looks great, tell him about how awesome he is – let him know you value and absolutely adore him. Compliments go a long way! Building up your partner gives them confidence and motivates them to be even better as a person… If you are constantly negative and have nothing nice to say about the person you chose to marry – well, nothing positive will come from that! They will lose confidence and motivation. The words we say are powerful, chose to build your husband up – not tear him apart.
  4. Trust, respect & understanding. A marriage is nothing without out these 3. You need to be able to trust each other, respect each other & have a clear understanding on how you want your life & marriage to be. If you aren’t on the same page with these – you need to be! I trust Trent completely, we have a respectful relationship where we understand our roles & we work together as a team in every aspect of our lives…
  5. Be each others strength & be strong together. There will be hard days. Really, really hard days – everyone has them… There have been times in our marriage that I feel would’ve possibly broken other people, moments that have shattered us & each time we’ve come back stronger. Our marriage has had some absolutely wonderful highs & some heartbreaking lows – each time I am so thankful to God for Trent. He has been strong for me countless times & together we are so strong.
  6. Communicate & forgive. This is basic, but learn to talk to each other… Don’t sit in silence and stew with anger – be open & honest. Learn to disagree respectfully & agree to disagree. Also forgive, no one is perfect – yourself include, so learn to move on & forgive.
  7. Bonus point – HAVE FUN. Learn to laugh… Sometimes if you don’t laugh you’ll cry, especially when you are parents. Be silly, play jokes & don’t take life too seriously… Have fun & happiness is contagious. (Ladies, remember if Mumma ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy! Our tone controls the tone of our home!)

What are your tips for a great & strong marriage?
(Trent would like me to add in here, “happy wife, happy life” – that’s his tip.)
I would love to know your tips, please comment below or on my social media!
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To celebrate our anniversary yesterday we had a “couple photoshoot” with Tina from “Tina Ebenal Photography”. We have so many sweet images of our kids but it’s rare to get a photo of “just us” – so this was a real treat! Tina was wonderful to work with, very professional, calm & knowledgable. We’ve had a sneak peek of some of the images and they are beautiful!

Tina Ebenal photography

Tina Ebenal Photography
You can see more of our photos and find Tina on Facebook, Instagram & her website HERE.

Have a great week!
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