#motheringwithheartandjoy · 2016 · motherhood

It is NEVER OK to call your toddler an ASSHOLE.

Ok Mumma’s,
Let us chat – again…
I have written 2 blog posts recently – you either loved them and agreed or felt like I was being judgemental and nasty. You can read them HERE & HERE.
My intention wasn’t too offend in those posts. I actually reworded both of those countless times because I was worried I was coming across “too harsh”. But for this post my thoughts are a little different, let the truth be harsh. If Mothers are good enough to speak harshly about their little children, I will speak harshly in their defence.
I am sick to death, like I cannot roll my eyes anymore they are that tired – at the trash that mothers post online, the complaining is just constant & I just over look it, but it’s the name calling & humiliating that fires me up.
So the main topic I have to talk about again – is how we speak about our small children online.
If you are a parent and call your small child any cruel name, off or online – trust me, they are not the asshole. You are, yes you read that right – YOU ARE.

it is never ok to call your toddler an asshole

Last night before I went to bed a friend showed me the latest “funny viral photo” that is making it’s rounds in the “Mummy Community” – I refuse to show this photo because a) it broke my heart & made me feel sick & b) I refuse to further humiliate that poor child. The photo is of a small child, I would think is under 2 (I am hopeless at guessing ages) but the little child was asleep with a baby bottle of milk laying beside him. Over the top of him one of his parents/carers had written “I’m an asshole today” in little wooden play blocks.
That to me is heartbreaking and wrong. Someone went out of there way to write that over an innocent sleeping baby – and yes children are innocent contrary to popular opinion that they are these evil little assholes sent to earth to mess up our lives.
I wish to write an open letter to this parent/Mother/father/carer – whoever did this and any other Mother/parent that willingly humiliates and name calls her kids…
I feel I have to write this, this is a very sad, ugly & concerning trend that is prevalent in the online Mummy community and someone has to stand up and say that it isn’t ok. I maybe on my own in thinking that this trend is sad & wrong, but perhaps you agree – if you do – please share this post. Don’t go along with this trend, be courageous and stand up & say that this is NOT ok!
I have a lot to say & you may not like it if you are someone who does this, but it may also change your mind.

To the parents who name call their children,
Your toddler is not an asshole – nope, not all. But you however are, if you think that it is ok to name call your child. Because lets look at this, you are name calling & ridiculing a small child online for what reason?
I would actually love, LOVE to know why you think your child is an asshole and read your reasoning behind calling them such a hurtful term online. And it concerns me that all these parents proudly & openly call their kids assholes online – even if it’s meant to be light hearted, what are they calling their kids in real life?
Because yes I do doubt your respect for your child & your parenting ability if you are proudly calling your little child a hurtful name online. You made this baby, you gave birth & now it is your responsibility to raise that child to the best of your ability. Stop name calling someone you created, it is sick! People out there are longing to parent a child and would never dream of calling them an asshole – but here you are boasting about it. Making your children into “internet sensations”.
Because they were “naughty” today – was your toddler in fact behaving like a toddler? Shock horror! Kids will be kids, kids will be challenging, but your kid is not purposely trying to mess up your day. Do you expect them to behave in a way that is beyond their age? A 3 year old will behave like a 3 year old. Perhaps they were disruptive to something you wanted to be doing? Were you more focused on your phone? The TV? Were they longing for your attention? Because that’s what kids want, your time & attention. If you give your child what they need, you may notice an attitude change. Pay attention to your child – love them, they are the most important thing in your life – well, they should be.
And I am sorry to say it, but if your kid is an asshole – take a good hard look around. Children are products of their environments, if you think your toddler is an asshole – guess who made him that way. YOU, how we behave impacts our children. If you want your kid to be better, be so yourself. Step up and Mother with joy & heart – because I am willing to bet you actually don’t. If you did, calling your baby an asshole online wouldn’t even be an option to you.
Start being with your child more, engage with them, be a role model, get down and play with your child – put time & effort, joy & heart into your Mothering.
At the end of the day you are the parent – you are the adult. We have a choice on how we behave. Kids will be kids, they will be fun, challenging, lovely, at times naughty, they will push limits and they have the ability to frustrate us and also make us be filled with pride & joy. They are learning how to handle emotions & how to act & behave. How we react to their behaviour is crucial. If we lash out in a ridiculous style time & time again, that is how they will learn to deal with conflict & hard times. Everyone loses their cool at some point, it is human nature – but being mindful to how we react is so important. They are children, they are learning – we should know better and respond better. If we want our children to respect us & grow up to be good & kind people, we have to teach them how to be respectful and good & that starts by first being a role model for them. They do as we do. Be the type of person who you want your child to be.
Name calling our children sets the standard for them, if you name call your child or your husband in front of your children – do not be surprised when your child is in trouble at school for name calling & bullying other kids. Kids act how their parents act. So if you want your child to stop being an asshole, start being a better parent. It is that easy. Putting your heart & joy into Mothering won’t give you a perfect child, no child is, just as no parent is perfect – but when you parent with heart & joy, you are changing things within yourself. You are changing how you respond, you are striving to be better, you are being more positive and our attitude and behaviour is picked up and copied by our children. Having a positive & joyful mindset & outlook influences the tone in our home and the tone in our home is felt by the entire household and influences everyones behaviour.
Do you see my point? Do you see why I believe this trend is so damaging and wrong? It isn’t right. Your child is a child, there will be days when they challenge you, there will be bad days where it all goes wrong, days you feel like you may lose your mind at the monotony of parenthood, moments when you feel like you are failing – but if you push on and don’t let the hard moments get you down & make you bitter, you won’t fail. The challenging times are easily outweighed by all the positive and joy filled times.
You may find the tone in this post a bit judgemental, I admit I am fairly judgemental to any parent that name calls or humiliates their child. If you were standing in a store and someone screamed at their toddler they were an asshole – what would your thoughts be? Would you judge? Would you think that borders on child abuse? I surely do. I find this trend appalling.
Now about this block incident, if the parent who did this by some weird chance reads this – what the hell is wrong with you? Really? I would LOVE to know what went through your head while you set this up and took the photo and posted it online. If your baby, yes that child to me is still a baby – was that challenging today, welcome to parenthood – it can be challenging – babies are babies and kids are kids. But by the looks of that photo he was napping, instead of writing a disgusting message over the top of him to humiliate him – go have a moment to yourself, have a cold drink, wash your face, lay down beside him & appreciate that beautiful baby you have, sit outside and breath fresh air – do something to regain your sanity but do not do what you did. That’s so wrong & past the point of messed up – what happened in that photo is not ok. And the sick part is that it went “viral” because people – MOTHERS actually, liked, shared & commented joking and agreeing that their children were also assholes – their toddlers were assholes… Mothers are the ones making this behaviour acceptable and it has to stop. And there were a few people who did seem to have morals & respect for kids who voiced that this was wrong and they were attacked by other parents who accused them of not having a sense of humour or that “if you think your child isn’t an asshole you are lying”.
No and no! It is not funny, not one part of that is humorous and sorry, my daughter never has been and never will be an asshole. She is a toddler, toddlers can be a handful – kids at any stage are – it isn’t rocket science – it is parenting. But I have no desire to name call, abuse, bully or humiliate my child – even if it is “just online”. Because I  appreciate & respect my daughter.
If your coping style for parenting is to humiliate your child when you have had a rough day I encourage you to rethink your strategy – there are better ways. We don’t need to bully our children, and yes that is what this is – bullying. If someone else name called your child, what would you think? Would you be horrified and mad? Well, why do you do it? When your child starts school, if someone else called them a name or made a photo of them with a cruel name written on it would you be angry? I most certainly would. Do not behave in a way that you would be unhappy with someone else doing. Just because it is “your kid” doesn’t mean you have free range to humiliate and bully them.
If you want try and different approach to parenting I urge you to explore my blog site.
On this site you will find posts that are encouraging – encouraging Mums to enjoy motherhood, to be joyful parents and to actually respect our husbands & kids. You will not read a post from me humiliating the people close to me, complaining about motherhood or just being negative.
Our attitude and thoughts control our whole entire lives, that is part of the reason I have no desire to complain about Mothering – Mothering is a wonderful & fleeting season of our lives. They are only small for so long, they will only need us for a short while – don’t waste these precious years and don’t make yourself cringe when you look back on yourself as a Mother of young children. 
Name calling our children makes nothing better.
To the parents – the Mothers, who think it is ok to call your children assholes – it isn’t. Please stop. It isn’t funny, raw or honest. It’s sad, bordering on abuse and just disgusting – you are pretty much bullying someone who assumes that you love them. Your small child, the person you created, is not an asshole, they aren’t. But by writing they are, kind of makes you look like you are.
Think about the words written here, if they make you mad is it because they are hitting a nerve?
We created our children, we are beyond blessed to have them, they are not assholes.
I encourage you to change the way you speak about & to your children, let the words you say (type) be positive. Say you’ve had a hard day, say your child is a handful but there is never a need to swear, humiliate and name call. Never.
Be intentional with your words, have your mind geared to seek the positive, realise how fortunate you are to have your child/ren & Mother with heart & joy.
If you wish to read my 2 previous posts on similar topics & to learn why I feel so passionately about #MotheringwithHeartandJoy please click HERE & HERE.
If you would like to connect with me on social media please find the links below;
Facebook; Modern Wife Life 31
Instagram; @Modernwifelife31
Twitter; @Modernwifelife3

Snap Chat; Bindy_30 


#motheringwithheartandjoy · 2016 · activities · decorations · diy · LuLu · motherhood · recipe · toddler · valentine's day

Making hearts with my sweetheart. {Easy D.I.Y Clay Ornaments}

Valentine’s Day is this Sunday…
So this upcoming sweet holiday has been the perfect excuse to do some crafting with my tiny sweetheart! 
This past week we made some little clay ornaments…
She is at the age now where she is very interested in helping out in the kitchen so she really enjoyed helping make them, rolling them out & cutting out the shapes.
They do take a little time to make, but LuLu had a very fun time making them and painting them with her best little friend.
The dough is very soft to work with and not grainy, it dries well and is a beautiful white colour. 

“Not salt dough, clay ornaments” –

  • 1/2 cup cornflour (corn starch)
  • 1 cup bi-carb soda (baking soda)
  • 3/4 cup of water.
  • A few drops of lavender (or any essential oil you like) *optional.
  • Food colouring *optional. (if you wish to add colouring, mix with water first then add)
Useful items;
  • Small/medium sized sauce pan.
  • Spatula/wooden spoon.
  • Measuring  cups.
  • Bowl.
  • Wet chux/cloth.
  • Rolling pin.
  • Cookie cutters.
  • Straw.
  • Paint/glitter/embellishments/clear varnish or clear drying glue.
Making the clay;
  1. In a small-medium sized pot add all ingredients. 
  2. Stir over medium heat, it will be very liquidy for a few minutes. 
  3. Then suddenly you will notice the texture start to thicken, keep stirring. 
  4. When it looks like very smooth dough take it off the heat. 

  5. Place the clay dough in a bowl and cover with a damp cool cloth to cool down. (About 1/2 an hour) 

  6. When cool, dust cornflour over a smooth surface and knead the dough.
  7. Start rolling it out flat – you don’t want it to be too thin because that will cause it to crack. Try to not over roll it too many times as that can also cause cracking. (about 1/2 a centimetre thick is good) If you find the clay is starting to dry out or crack a tiny bit as you are rolling it, wet your hands lightly and roll the clay back into a ball. 

  8. Cut out your shapes. You can use cookie cutters for this or stamps (trim around the edges once you’ve made the imprint with a stamp) and you can even make hand prints.
  9. If you plan to hang your ornaments, make a hole in the top with a straw. 
  10. To harden you can either let air dry over night or for a day or pop them in the oven at 80degrees Celsius (175 Fahrenheit)  for an hour, turning them over 1/2 way. *Mine could’ve had a bit longer in the oven, so you could extend the cooking time for an extra half hour or so – but check them regularly, they did finish drying over night. 

  11. Once baked/air dried – decorate however you wish. We used paints & glitter and sealed them with a clear varnish.

This craft was lots of fun for both of us. I also made a few little gift tags to use on gifts. The clay was super easy to make, with the addition of lavender it also smelt nice and the bright white of the clay was very pretty – so if you didn’t want to paint it – you don’t need to. If you didn’t want to involve your child in the making of the dough (because kids in the kitchen can be a bit of a handful sometimes) you could easily whip this up while they were asleep at night and then they are all ready to paint and decorate the next day! This was the perfect activity for a play date, both girls seemed to really enjoy painting the ornaments. 
These love hearts will make very sweet little Valentine gifts for our loved ones! 
I really love doing activities like this with LuLu, it may just seem like a craft or play – but she is learning so much through play.
She was learning;
Maths; Measuring and shapes. (She now tells me every time she see’s a heart)
Science; She saw the mixture change form. From dry ingredients, to liquid and then to a clay. And then from a soft clay to a hard ornament. She also learnt that the clay was hot, but we had to wait for it cool down.
Motor skills; Scooping and tipping ingredients, mixing, kneading, rolling, squeezing the clay, cutting, painting, sprinkling glitter, helping thread the twine and hanging the ornaments.
Literacy; Following instructions and older kids would also be learning to read a recipe.
She also learnt patience while the clay was being cooked on the stove & while it was cooling.
So please always remember every single thing we do with our children is a learning experience. They are little sponges and take it all in, they love to learn. You don’t have to sit down and do actual lessons – play based learning is so wonderful for little kids. 
So I encourage you to try this craft, I would love to see your beautiful ornaments.
Make sure you hashtag #MotheringwithHeartandJoy or share it to one of my social media accounts!

Facebook; Modern Wife Life 31
Instagram; @Modernwifelife31
Twitter; @Modernwifelife3

Snap Chat; Bindy_30 
I hope you have a lovely Valentine’s Day with your loved ones. 

To read my previous 2 posts that have been very popular click HERE and HERE.

On the blog today; making hearts with my sweetheart! ❤️❤️This clay ornament recipe is very easy and is handy to…
Posted by Modern Wife Life 31 on Monday, February 8, 2016

#motheringwithheartandjoy · 2016 · motherhood

#MotheringWithHeartandJoy To the online Mummy community again…

If you haven’t read my post “To the online Mummy community” click HERE to have a look…

to the online mummy community again
Following on from last weeks “controversial” post I thought I would share some insight for you, insight on why I’m so passionate about mothering with joy…
Because that is why I wrote last weeks post, because all those thoughts were on my heart & I am so passionate about showing women that it is ok to enjoy mothering & being a wife and having a joyful heart & attitude can be such a blessing for our families.
So lets chat – again.
I’ve been through hard times – even though in the last week someone did accuse me of never dealing with anything difficult in parenting or in my life. I had to laugh at that.
I have had times that are tough and guess what – sitting around feeling sorry for myself because I was so “hard done by” & writing constantly all about how hard I had it didn’t help one bit. Once you pull yourself together and take control – mentally and physically of your life, things get better. I assure you they do.
Our minds are incredibly powerful and we have the ability to control how we feel in life. You either choose to be positive or negative, to mother with joy & heart or bitterness and negativity. And if you choose positivity I bet your life will be better. Our attitudes as Mothers control the tone of our entire home, the saying of “happy wife, happy life” is actually pretty spot on – if Mumma ain’t happy, no one is happy. I love being a Mumma with all my heart, I find great joy in mothering – want to know why? 
I am grateful for this opportunity, I’m blessed and I’m thankful everyday for my daughter. I know what it’s like to try and pray for a long time for a baby & to lose a baby you’ve longed for & love – so when I had my daughter I vowed to try my best everyday, for her. God entrusted her into my care and I treasure her everyday. 
I’ve dealt with heartbreak, pain, anger & depression – but we have the power to change how we feel in our lives – I did, so I know it is possible. I have friends who have been in similar situations, friends that have lost their babies, friends who have gone through IVF and friends that possibly may never have children – which is so heartbreakingly unfair because I know those women would be amazing mothers, who would mother with all their hearts. These women, in these situations also refuse to sit around and complain how hard their lives are – they just get up and get on with life – they are inspiring to me.
When we were trying for our daughter nothing would make me more furious than reading a post from a Mum on how hard and bad her life was and see her name calling her child… Like I would almost see red, here was someone who had what I was praying for and all they could do was complain & be mean. I always keep that in the back of my mind & perhaps that’s why it has never been a desire of mine to complain how hard I have it, my day maybe bad, it maybe a challenging week or a difficult stage – but there is a woman out there praying and longing for my bad day & tough time. I was once that woman. So I know pain, I know hard times and I know how it feels to feel so low and dark. But when I was in those places I refused to sit around & complain how hard done by I was – because yes life sucked – but we have one life. And you don’t get the days back where you sit around in self pity. I make a choice every single damn day to enjoy my life and be positive. I don’t automatically wake up as “Sally Sunshine” – this takes work, determination and heart & some days it is a lot harder than others and some days I fail at it. But I try. I’ve been thrown some hard curveballs since I’ve had my daughter so don’t think for a second I’ve had it “so easy” – every mother/parent/family has struggles, every mum has a hard time. But I refuse to let the hard times define my everyday or negatively affect my mothering style & ability. Sure I have days that aren’t perfect, everyone does and some do have it a lot harder than others – but everyone in their own way has struggles. Everyone has moments that challenge them – but do I chose to dwell on them & think my life is so hard? No, because I know what that sort of harm that thought pattern can do. It destroys us.
Now I am not saying we should never ever speak of the hard times or be honest about struggling with the challenges – that is not what I said or am saying… It is important to be real, to speak about things that are hard, to talk about heart breaking topics – but what is not ok is to ridicule and humiliate our families or just have a negative opinion constantly.
I know from personal experience that it is much more socially acceptable to applaud a woman who is calling her kids & husbands awful names & complains constantly about Mothering & being a wife, but when someone comes out and says that it isn’t that hard & that she loves her role of being a Mother & wife she is ridiculed. Where is the support & camaraderie for the Mothers who love what they do, who find joy in being a wife and Mumma?
Our families deserve respect, mothers need to realise the life they are living is a product of their own choices & it is our job to ensure our kids have good childhoods. 
I said it in the last post, children are products of their environments. If you name call your child, complain & be negative – that’s what your child will be like.
And if we want to get in a full debate about this, how about we turn the tables… Would we as a society be as accepting if a husband was to write negatively about his life, wife & kids? Like name call, complain and say how hard his life is? Would we put him on a pedestal or would be horrified that he came out swearing and cursing his loved ones and complaining about life? I urge you to think about that… Because I know the answer and you are lying to yourself if you say he wouldn’t feel the wrath of the online community, especially the “mummy community”.
Bottom line is – it is never ok to name call your kids – I actually saw a quote the other day that said “sometimes it is ok to call your toddler an asshole” – like what? People actually think that behaviour is ok & we just accept that, because the Mum is having a bad day? I will give the parents who find this acceptable one piece of advice; if your kid is an “asshole” their is only one person who made him that way and you are the person with the power to change that.
My last post wasn’t written to tear mothers down – it was written in the hope of being a wake up to call to mothers who are seemingly throwing away a beautiful season of their lives. It may have been on the side of brutal honesty – but I felt it needed to be said. I’ve been sent a large number of positive emails, messages & also received comments from other Mums who feel the same – so I know I am not alone in feeling this way.
My aim here is to encourage Mummas to change their outlook on parenting – to embrace it, to find the joy in Mothering and share it.
So if you are posting about Motherhood on social media I would love for you to tag me in it 
so I can encourage you. 
Facebook; Modern Wife Life 31
Instagram; @Modernwifelife31
Twitter; @Modernwifelife3
Snap Chat; Bindy_30
Or hashtag #motheringwithheartandjoy – I’ll be stalking that hashtag & liking and commenting! 🙂 And I hope you do the same, lets encourage each other!
I encourage you to share your joy or share your struggles – but do so with heart. We don’t need to humiliate our children or husbands to share our stories of bad days… It is ok and totally normal to have days that challenge us, every season of life is like that – but Motherhood can be extra challenging – we are raising a tiny little human! But seek the joy in each day, even if it is a small joy – find that and share it. Be real, but be kind and aim to find the joy even in the rough times…
To the Mothers who are passionate about mothering, I encourage you to encourage others. Use this hashtag, share these posts, post about positivity and the real times & how much you enjoy your life and be proud of it. 
A recurring trend I noted in many messages I have received since my last blog post was that some women no longer post the positive – because they feel no one wants to see it, no one cares and everyone just wants to read the negative – well to those Mothers, I want to read it – post the positive and be proud! #motheringwithheartandjoy
I know that at times it’s hard to post about how much we love Mothering because people don’t want to read how great you are doing & if you post the happy times you are called a liar or fake – social media users seem to only want negativity but Mothering needs to get a better reputation. We need to show the beauty because the bad is so commonly promoted. We need to do this for the Mothers who want to find the positives, for the expectant first time Mums that only see the negativity, for the Mothers who love what they do but feel they can’t say it and for ourselves.
Also I urge you to be mindful of the sort of the accounts you follow on social media. Negative voices can impact our lives. You may not notice it but who we associate with and listen to influence our thoughts and lives. Surround yourself with joy & positivity and you will feel it – it’s contagious.
It is a beautiful thing to enjoy Mothering and being wife, it isn’t a life choice that constantly needs to be torn apart negatively. 
Embrace this season of your life.
Be joyful & Mother with all your heart – I encourage you to – you will never regret it.